Rules of the Game
by cmr2014
Summary: Wolfwood tries to teach Vash the rules of the game.


DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.

**Rules of the Game**

"I'm thinking of asking Meryl out."

Vash snorted beer out his nose. "You _what_?"

"I'm thinking of asking Meryl out," Wolfwood repeated.

Vash slammed his beer down on the bar, sending liquid and foam flying. "Why in God's name would you want to do _that_?"

Wollfwood snickered as he drank his whiskey. "Why would you care? Jealous?"

Color crept into Vash's cheeks. "Of course not! I don't give a damn about Meryl Stryfe!" he protested a little too emphatically. "I'm just thinking of your safety. She's hell on wheels. I don't see you with her, anyway."

"What, you don't think we'd make a good match?"

Vash looked at him levelly. "She's shoot you in five minutes."

Wolfwood laughed as he lit a smoke. "If I were interested in her, I bet I could tame her."

"What do you mean, _if_ you were interested? Why would you ask Meryl out if you weren't interested?"

"Vash, Vash, Vash," Wolfwood tsk-tsked. "You've got a lot to learn about the ways of women. Don't you know the best way to get a woman to pay attention to you is to ignore her and go after another woman?"

Vash cocked an eyebrow. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"It's like this," Wolfwood explained. "When you were a kid, did you ever want a toy that you had? That was always there, always available to you? Did you ever notice it if it just sat on the shelf, waiting to be played with?"

Vash thought back. "I…didn't have many toys as a kid."

"Quit messing with my example, stupid. I'm trying to get something through your thick head. Look, no kid ever wants a toy that's just sitting there, begging for the kid to play with it. The only time a kid ever wants a toy is when _another_ kid has it. Let Daddy take the toy off the shelf and give it to another kid, and suddenly all you hear is, 'That's _my toy!'_"

"That sounded nothing like a kid."

Wolfwood waved his hand airily. "Beside the point. Women are a lot like kids. If you fawn all over them, begging them to look at you, they're never going to notice you. But if you give _another_ woman all the attention, then suddenly they want to get to know you better. Trust me, I've seen it a million times. Some guy makes a complete fool out of himself over a girl, and she just won't give him the time of day. He goes on to another girl, and suddenly the first girl can't get enough of him. It's a sure thing."

All in all, Vash had never seen any point in trying to settle down, but he had never minded the thought of having a casual girlfriend. Secretly, he always pictured himself as a mysterious Casanova. He thought back to some of the ladies who had captured his eye. Let's see – Marianne the fed; Stephanie Bostalk; Elizabeth the plant engineer; there was that one dancer, she was pretty, but that trick she did with the olive kind of scared him…he'd chased after them all, and been spurned.

Maybe Wolfwood was onto something. "So whose attention are you going for, anyway?"

"Milly's. Once she sees me wining and dining Meryl, she'll be sure to throw herself at me. Then I drop Meryl and move in for the kill. Like I said, a sure thing." He chuckled into his whiskey.

Wait…

"Are you saying to want to _use _Meryl? Just charm her up and break her heart like she's a fricking plaything?"

Wolfwood snorted. "Of course. Haven't you been listening?"

"I have." Wolfwood turned and saw Meryl standing behind him, looking very…unhappy didn't begin to describe it.

Wolfwood colored and immediately wondered whether he should just run. "Well…hi, there, Meryl! And don't you look lovely –"

_CLONK!_ Wolfwood went down after Meryl hit him square on the noggin with an extra-large stein. He hadn't realized she was so skilled in improvised weapons. Definitely should have run.

Meryl stomped out, and Wolfwood thought maybe it was safe to get up.

_KA-POW!_ He went down again, blood streaming form his nose. "What was that for?" he demanded twitchingly from the floor.

"Nothin'," Vash said as he followed Meryl out.


End file.
